then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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