the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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