Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize