If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
