I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize