he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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