YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
