I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
