Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
