do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
organizing the empties. That sober.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize