After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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