cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
