Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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