stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
