Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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