I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
