I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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