I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
