I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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