I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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