Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
