Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
