Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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