Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
