Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
