Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
how drunk are you?
Several
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
