Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
operation have a gay friend backfired
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
