I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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