Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
