a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
