Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my being single is dangerous.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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