I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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