I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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