Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
