I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Say something about gay babies.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
