its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize