I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
