My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
