I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
