They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
