all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
