Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
