the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
