You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
