Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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