dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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