I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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