You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
