Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
