that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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