You surviving the open bar?
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He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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