you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
