the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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