Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize