who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
