Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
