I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
