I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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