If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
